


Soul Cancer

by BryceWrites



Series: Broken Measures [11]
Category: Sons of Anarchy, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anger, Betrayal, Drinking, F/M, Gen, Home, Loss of Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-16 01:19:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5807647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BryceWrites/pseuds/BryceWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kelsi knew she'd damaged her relationship with the club, after her two brothers showed up in town. She also knew emotions are still running high, with everyone still reacting and recovering from Donna's death. But when someone Kelsi thought she could trust tries to drive her out of the club, does she fight or flee?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soul Cancer

I woke slowly, gently being pulled from my dream until I realized my eyes were open and I was staring at the ceiling. It took me a moment to realize who’s ceiling it was I was looking at. Juice’s room. I turned my head to see his half of the bed empty and I wondered why before remembering he was in Tacoma for some club business.

I turned to look back at the ceiling, sighing gently to myself. He was only supposed to be gone for five days. Complications he couldn’t talk about had sent him away for almost two weeks now. We were coming up on day 13, if I’d counted correctly the first five times. I pushed up from the bed, my body feeling heavy. I pulled my knees in close, looking towards the window. There was a motorcycle in the driveway.

Shaking my head and moving out from under the covers, I slid into a pair of yoga pants and a big hoodie over the tank top I wore for sleeping in. I pulled open the door and ran my hand over my face. Half Sack stood at the coffee pot, pouring himself a cup when he turned around.

“Oh hey. Mornin’. Sorry for the intrusion. Clay wanted me to come check on you this morning.” He quickly explained.

I nodded. “Thanks. I’m fine.” I told him, sliding into a chair at the breakfast nook.

He watched me for a moment and I was under the impression he didn’t believe me when he took a slow sip of his coffee.

“I miss Juice.” I relented, running my fingers through my hair. “I haven’t slept very well for a week.” Or two, I thought.

“He’ll be back.” Half Sack told me reassuringly.

I nodded. I knew he would. I just didn’t like the feeling in my stomach.

“He called you?” He asked carefully, meaning he knew of Juice’s situation, but he wasn’t allowed to tell me.

I felt helpless as I shook my head. “Not since last week when he told me he’d have to stay in Tacoma longer.”

Sack nodded and poured me a cup of coffee, bringing both of ours back to the table. “I’m sorry.” Whether he meant for the lack of communication from Juice or not being able to tell me, I wasn’t sure. But I nodded, trying to convey that it was alright, not his fault.

For the longest time, I couldn’t accept the rules and restrictions the club had in place. But I’d learned it was for the best. If you wanted the protection and the shielding the club provided, it was one luxury you gave up. Knowing what was going on was strictly a club privilege that was not easily given.

“Do you know when they might be coming home?” I asked, wondering if a yes or no question was out of line. Juice had gone up to Tacoma with Happy, Bobby, Tig, and Jax, leaving the rest of us to wonder what they were actually doing.

Kip shook his head. “Clay’s trying to get them home as soon as he can.”

I nodded. It was a good enough answer, and probably more than he should’ve said. But I appreciated it. “Thanks for making coffee.” I told him, sipping the brew he’d given just enough sugar to.

He nodded like it wasn’t a problem. I knew Kip did his best, even though he was only a prospect. He had my respect and I knew he wouldn’t hurt a fly.

“You want breakfast since you’re babysitting?” I asked with a little smile.

“I’m not babysitting. Clay just wanted me to check on you.” He told me straight.

I nodded. “I’ll still make you breakfast for the effort.” I told him, patting him on the shoulder as I pulled ingredients out of the cabinets for pancakes.

 

* * *

 

Kip only stayed for another hour, just waiting to finish breakfast and help pick up dishes before he took off, heading back to the clubhouse to report my progress with the President. I got dressed and drove my little Intrepid into work. I parked in the lot and pulled my purse out, feeling more tired than I had in a long time.

Gemma was in the office, looking for a paper at the desk when I opened the door.

“You okay?” I asked, seeing an angry expression on her face.

“Where is the last’s month reconciliation?” She asked sharply. I watched her for a moment before moving to the filing cabinet and pulling it out of the drawer, holding it out to her. “You already finished it?” She snapped, taking it from my outstretched hand.

“It’s October 15th. I always have the previous month reconciled by the 15th.” I told her quietly, wondering where her anger stemmed from.

She took the folder and stood in a huff, shouldering past me.

I stood there for a moment, watching her walk across the parking lot and get in her Cadillac to leave. I pulled open the door to the shop and made sure she’d pulled out of the lot before walking over to Opie. I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling insecure in the situation. “Hey Opie. Do you know what’s up with Gemma?” I asked him.

He shook his head. “She’s on a rampage today. Anybody in sight is gettin’ it. Clay don’t even know what’s got her on fire.”

“Awesome.” I mumbled, turning on my heels to head back to the office.

 

* * *

 

It was almost six in the evening when my cell phone rang. It was a burner number, but not one I recognized. “Hello?”

“Hey baby.” Juice’s voice said from the other side, soothing me.

“Juicy.” I said, almost sighing his name. “How are you?”

“Good, I’m good.” I could almost hear the smile in his words. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to call.”

“Don’t worry about it. I know the drill.” I told him quietly. “I’m just glad you’re safe.”

“I got a little banged up. We had a little tiff with the Tacoma charter. Clay says I can tell you all about it when we get home, I just gotta get there.” He told me.

“Okay, that’s fine. How far out are you?” I asked him.

“I should be there before you lay that pretty head on my pillow.” He told me and I could picture him grinning.

I nodded to myself in the empty office. “Good. I miss you.” I told him sincerely.

“I miss you too.” He spoke.

“I’ll let you go. Thanks for letting me know you’re alright.” I told him.

“Bye babe. I love you.” And he hung up.

I set the phone on the desk, feeling a weight lift off my chest. Juice was fine and on his way home. I could hardly ask for more.

Another hour passed as I worked on updating all our spreadsheets on the computer. I looked up when I heard a car speed into the lot, slam on the brakes and park. I looked out the window to see Gemma get out of her still running car to walk across the parking lot towards the office. The only thing that crossed my mind was how bad this was going to be.

“You lying little bitch.” Gemma said, bursting into the office. I paused, not sure what she was meaning. I just stood there, watching her. “You’ve been skimmin’ off the books.” She yelled, throwing the last six months of reconciliation on the desk, making other papers move around because of the sudden intrusion.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “No, I haven’t.”

“Really? This $500 charge at the Sporting Goods Warehouse?” She asked, cocking a hip at me.

I slowly walked over to her, picking her concealed carry purse off her arm a little. “Clay bought it for you for your birthday, but you got the credit card statement before your party.” I said, trying to remind her.

“How about this $2,000 charge at World Office Supplies?” She asked, holding strong.

I stepped back and hit the office chair so it would spin around two or three times. “The old one gave you a backache.”

“Listen here, you little bitch. I’m onto you.” She growled, coming forth with a finger forward.

“What’d I do?” I asked, wondering where this venom was coming from. Gemma was never anything but nice and helpful.

“What’d you do?” She scoffed, like she couldn’t stand the question. “You’re tearing this club apart and you don’t even notice. My old man hasn’t slept in two weeks because your old man won’t leave him alone about telling you when and where they are every time they goddamn turn around.”

I blinked at her. “I haven’t heard from Juice since he told me they were staying longer.” I informed her.

“Oh, but you got him wrapped around your little finger. He’s following Jax around like a goddamn puppy, asking if it’s alright to call you. They almost died because of your piece of shit old man.” Gemma spouted.

“They what?” I gasped, looking at her.

“Almost fuckin’ died.” She said again, slower like I was stupid. “Juice was checking his goddamn cell phone with your fuckin’ picture on it when they got fucking jumped. Happy almost didn’t make it out alive.”

I shook my head. “I didn’t… I didn’t know…” I murmured.

“You didn’t know, you didn’t know.” Gemma mocked me. “There’s this old saying, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”

“What are you trying to tell me, Gemma?” I asked her.

“You’re not doin’ this club any favors hangin’ around like this. We took you in, we cared for you, it’s time for you to go find your stupid, asshole brothers and be assholes together.”

Her words were sharp and I felt like she’d socked me. “You… want me to leave?” I asked quietly.

“I don’t care where the hell you go, but I don’t want to see your sorry face again.” She told me, stomping out of the office and back across the lot to her car, where she sped off.

“You alright?” A voice asked. I turned to see Chibs in the doorway of the office. I could tell by his tone he’d only heard Gemma yell, not what she was yelling. I’d heard him speak, but Gemma’s words rang in my eyes like a bell, making it difficult for me to respond.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay. I need a shot. Long day.” I told him, moving past him and heading for the clubhouse.

No one else showed me any of the negativity that Gemma had shown me only moments ago, treating me the same way all the guys had normally treated me. Chibs played bartender and poured me a shot.

“Anythin’ you wanna talk about, lass?” Chibs asked.

I shook my head. “No, just a long day. I miss Juice.” I told him, knowing he’d easily believe me. But Gemma’s words sat heavily in my stomach like frozen water on a hot day.

Chibs nodded. “A might odd without him bein’ around.”

I agreed, giving my shot a toss. “Thanks, Chibs.” I told him and something clicked in the back of my mind. “For everything.”

The look in his eyes changed and he watched me. “S’that for, love?”

I shrugged, realizing the decision I now had in my hands. “I just want to make sure you know how much I appreciate you. I realize the bad days could always be worse. I could be standing on a bridge.” I said with a half-hearted laugh that sounded strangled coming out of my mouth.

Chibs set his hand on mine. “But ya ain’t.”

I shook my head. “I ain’t.” I said with my own little twang I hadn’t been able to get rid of since the guys showed up.

“Go get ya some sleep, love. Boy’ll be home soon.” The Scot told me.

I nodded, pushing away from the bar and heading for my car. The guys would lock everything up later in the evening so I didn’t have to worry about it. The drive home seemed long though. It was barely a ten minute drive, but it felt like it lasted an hour.

For all the time I’d been living in Charming, I had few things to my name. A backpack and little more clothes than I’d showed up here with. I stood in the living room, just taking in the house. Juice and I had some good memories in this house. But that’s all they were now; memories. I’d decided to leave before he got back. I knew he’d try to stop me and I didn’t want to have to sneak out in the middle of the night.

I hiked my backpack on my shoulder and double checked that the note I left on the table was clearly visible. I nodded to myself, seeing it was. I gave the place one more glance before pulling out my cell phone and dialing the digits I couldn’t make myself forget. It only rang twice before the phone picked up on the other side.

“Kelsi Jo? That you?” Daryl’s gruff voice asked.

“Hey Daryl.” I said quietly, wondering if he could even hear me on the other end. “I decided to come home, if you’ll be able to put up with me.”

The silence on the other end made my heart speed up and I wondered if I’d made another wrong decision. “You don’t even gotta ask, Kelsi Jo. We always got room for ya here.” He’d been drinking already this evening, but his words were sincere.

I willed my eyes not to well up as I nodded. “Thanks Daryl. I’ll see ya in a couple days, aight?”

“He hurt ya?” His words came quietly, but they were urgent.

“Nah, nah he didn’t.” I told him honestly. “I just overstayed my welcome here. Love ain’t real, ya know.”

He as quiet for a long moment, making me think he’d hung up. “You come on home when you’re ready. That front door ain’t been locked since ya left.” He told me.

I nodded again to myself. “Thank you.” I told him, letting one single tear fall. “I’ll call you when I’m a day out.” And with that, I hung the phone up.

Pulling open the kitchen door and stepping outside was one of the hardest things I’d done in a long time. I couldn’t let myself look at the house again. I could feel my insides ripping apart and I couldn’t make it worse. I’d left two notes inside the envelope on the counter; one addressed to Juice, telling him how sorry I was and the other addressed to both Chibs and Jax, thanking them for saving me, for making me a better person.

I knew in my bones Gemma was right. I’d overstayed my time and I was starting to make Juice choose between the club and me, especially if he’d almost gotten a brother hurt over me. If I left, that problem would fix itself after a while.

So I took a deep breath and let it out before turning on the car and backing out of the driveway.

 

* * *

 

“Kelsi, I’m home.” Juice called, closing the front door and kicking off his boots. He let his duffle hit the floor with a thud as he stripped off his cut and tossed it over the couch. He scanned the kitchen and living room, not finding her. “Kelsi?” He called again, ducking into the dining room, the spare bedroom that had belonged to her when she’d first gotten here, the bathroom and their shared bedroom.

No signs of her.

And if he thought about it for a moment, her car wasn’t in the driveway like it was normally.

Panic started to ease its way into his chest. “Kelsi!” He called louder, going back through each room. He stopped in the kitchen at the breakfast nook, seeing an envelope with his name on it. His heart fell through his stomach as he slowly approached it and picked it up. With gentle fingers, he pulled out two pieces of paper; one with his name on it and one with both Jax and Chibs’ names.

He laid down the one that didn’t have his name and slowly unfolded the other one. “Dear Juice,” He read quietly to himself. “Today was hard and I’m sure it’s going to get harder for you when you get through with this letter, but I’m sorry.” He said and his breath left him in a whoosh. He sat hard on the chair closest to him and covered his face, wondering if he was strong enough to read the rest of the letter.

“I realized I’ve overstayed the welcome I was given when you took me in. If I’d known, I’d have left sooner. I’m sorry for making you choose between the club and me. Your family is more important and I realized mine is too. I love you forever and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me one day. And if the only thing you ever do for me after this is get the other letter to Chibs and Jax, I’d be forever in your debt.

Forever without a doubt,

Kelsi Jo.” He mumbled to himself. His eyes scanned the words ten more times before the words seemed to cling to his brain.

She’d left him.

“Kelsi!” He shouted, standing up so fast, the chair knocked over. He frantically searched the house twice more, even digging in closets. He stopped when he heard footsteps in the kitchen. “Kelsi.” He said with relief, standing up to meet her.

But it wasn’t her. It was Jax and Chibs, looking confused. “Ya didn’t check in after ya got home.” Chibs spoke.

Juice felt like falling apart. He slowly righted the chair he’d knocked over and fell into it, leaning over and grabbing the back of his neck with his hands. “She left.” He said quietly.

“What? What do you mean she left?” Jax said, sounding worried.

Juice wordlessly reached for the letter he’d been able to recite after reading only once, holding it out to them. Chibs took it, as he was closest and read it out loud to Jax. Jax then reached for the other letter with his name on it.

“Dear Chibs and Jax, I’m sorry this letter had to come right after you came back from Tacoma, but I knew I had to leave before Juice got back. I love him dearly, but he wouldn’t have let me leave if he’d been home. An outside member of the club informed me of the damage I was causing to the club, damage I wasn’t aware I was inflicting.” Jax read.

“That’s bullshit.” Chibs said loudly.

“I hate leaving Juice, but the club is his family and I’m just a girl. He’ll find another one in a couple months and I hope she does as well as I thought I did. I owe you my life in the most sincere terms and that’s a debt I could never repay. If you could do me this one last favor and watch after Juice. He’ll be a wreck with me gone for a little while until he gets his footing again. Don’t let him be stupid and guide him the same way you were before I messed everything up.

Forgive me my sins and trespass us.

Love Kelsi Jo.” Jax finished, running his hand over his mouth as he looked at the paper.

“She’s gone.” Juice said in a low whisper, tears welling in his eyes.

“Now son. She’s not gone forever. We’ll find her and bring her back, alright?” Chibs told him sternly.

Juice nodded, although he could feel the connection sever. She wouldn’t be found if she didn’t want to be found. He knew she could disappear and leave no trace. She’d grown up in the backwoods and she was stronger than any girl he’d ever met. If she didn’t want to be found, she was already gone.

“Don’t look like that, Juice. We’ll find her.” Jax told him, just as firmly.

Juice stood up, not wanting to hear the promises he knew they couldn’t keep. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey off the top of the fridge and pulled the top off, tossing the lid across the living room and taking a long pull as he walked down the hallway, closing the door to his bedroom.


End file.
